he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
