Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
