Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who put my cat in the fridge?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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