I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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