Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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