She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
