the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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