dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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