i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
