It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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