So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
