but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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