I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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