You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize