i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
