Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
