ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
