pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My nipple is on Facebook.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
