the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
