Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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