Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
