Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize