What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
