please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize