Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he just fucked me for my cheese..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
