Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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