tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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