there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
