Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
