uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
