bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
