Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize