Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
