And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
