I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize