WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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