I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
