Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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