either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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