I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
