Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
