I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
