I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
