Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
