maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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