he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize