I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
