billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
