I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
