So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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