it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
