If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize