Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
