It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
