the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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