In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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