I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
ok first of all what the fuck
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
