halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
