Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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