I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
