you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
