Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
