i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize