I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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