I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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