she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
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