She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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