I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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