Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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