If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
