I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
