when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize