Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
