Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
