My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
