Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
