The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
