she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
