Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
